#7: Inspiration

Something that inspires me is my collection of memorabilia.  Basically, it’s my collection of items I’ve decided to keep to remember any experience I’ve had that I consider to have been important.  Some include tickets from movies, receipts, trip itineraries, graded assignments, and photos.  I have a few of them pinned onto my wall above my computer screens to help motivate me when writing any last minute papers…  These items are important to me because they remind me of moments that have made a lasting impact on me.  The way they inspire me is by proving to me that I have accomplished many difficult tasks before, or that I’ve experienced this situation before.

For me, inspiration is a boost that forces me to be productive (whether for work or play), and it reminds me to do my best at whatever I do.  It sort of works in a similar way with the path of integration for the enneagram.  My memorabilia helps me to avoid the stress path, and instead focus on the integration path.  This way, I get the most out of myself for an activity I am currently doing or just for the day.

This spring break, I’ll be going to Las Vegas for a few days.  I’m looking forward to trying out a lot of new activities, such as gambling 😛  And, I’m hoping to be able to bring back some new items to help with my future inspirations.

-Alex

2011
03/20
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#6: Money II

If money were no object, a lot of what I do now would be the same.  I rarely think or worry about money (which could be detrimental later in life when I’m on my own), and I don’t let money affect the decisions I make.  So, in the short term, my life would be very carefree.  I would continue to attend college, and focus on my hobbies.  Weekly outings with my friends would continue as normal as well.  Basically, I would place my happiness and having fun above everything else while balancing school work into the mix.

In the long term, so after Berkeley, I would try to become a writer or help my brother with his media projects.  By not having to worry about money, I could easily choose to practice what I find the most interesting, instead of being forced to work somewhere for money.  Also, something I don’t do enough nowadays that I would do in the future would be visiting and spending time with family.

If money isn’t an issue, both of my goals for the present and for the future, would be to do as much of everything I want to do and make a lot of cheerful memories.  If you think about it, most of the tedious and time consuming responsibilities in life are related to money.  So, if you take money out of the equation, then you are free to live however you want, at your full potential.

-Alex

2011
03/06
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#5: Money

Money is important. It dictates how people live their lives, and without it the world would fall into dystopia.  I have been very fortunate with money thanks to my parents who continue to support me.  My parents always remind me of how well off we are compared to other families in the world.  When growing up, I was never denied any luxury due to not having enough money to spend.  Even today, I am able to eat wherever I’d like to or buy whatever clothes I’d like to without worrying about how much I am spending.  This is entirely different from the situation many of my friends are in.  They have to support themselves, and even have to pay for their own way to go back home to visit their family (which I find odd).  The reason my parents choose to give me allowance is so that I can focus on my studies.  Once, I told one of my friends that I wished I was supporting myself instead of living off of my parent’s allowance so I could just have the experience.  My friend responded by saying that she’d rather not have to work while in school.  So, there are merits to both situations.

When I think about my future, I usually don’t think about how much money I plan on making.  How much I make isn’t important to me as long as I can support myself.  But, money works differently in the world.  Everyone and everything wants to get as much money as he, she, or it can.  More money for them equals more success.  I actually believe this statement to be true.  People can do practically anything they want in the world as long as they have the money to do so.

Money however should not be the focus of everyone/thing’s attention.  It is well known that money does not necessarily bring happiness, but for many it can.  Basically, people should be in control of how much money they make, and choose how they want to live, instead of having money dictate how they should live.

-Alex

2011
02/28
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#4: Emerging Values

What do you  fear most in/about life?

What I fear most about life is knowing that there is an end.  The thought of having a last day to live is scary to me.  This fear is different from the fear of not achieving my life goals, or not being remembered after I die, or even death.

Why?  What would it mean if that happened?

If I somehow knew I’ve reached my last day on Earth, I would probably feel frustrated.  If that happened then the list of things to do that I have written in my planner for the day would become obsolete, and there would be no point in planning the rest of the week.

Where did this fear come from?

I think this fear comes from imagining what would happen the day that I die, or the day those close to me die.  (I know, I spend my time thinking about depressing stuff…).  My life wouldn’t be the same after someone who I’ve known for my entire life goes missing.  Who will pick up the pieces of the deceased, and tie up any loose ends?  And, what would be the point of living the past day, week, month, year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, or even 70 years if your life will eventually end?  I know some say, including Professor Phillips, that death gives meaning to life.  But, what if I want to continue to do what I’ve been doing, “the same old thing I did last week,” since that makes me happy?

Because I have these fears and these reasons for them, what does this say about what I want or  value?

I guess all of this says that I want to live forever, but not for selfish reasons (at least I don’t think so).  But, I just want to maintain whatever content/happy life I’m living now.  Also,  I want to avoid any intense feelings of sadness due to the death of a family member or friend.  So, I value my own happiness and the lives of others close to me.

-Alex

2011
02/20
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#3: Spread Love

I don’t remember the last time I ever told someone that I love them, so whenever my mom would say to me at the end of a phone call that she loves me, I would awkwardly just say, “Okay, bye.”  But, she knows that I love her even if I don’t say it, and she also knows that I rarely show my feelings (which she has talked to me about to change…).  In addition to my mom, other people that I love include my brother, my sister, close relatives, and just a couple of my friends. They’ve all had a positive impact on me, and I feel that I have yet to prove to them how much they mean to me.  On my Preliminary Values Exploration answers, I also included my teachers for question #4.  Though they have taught me my most important current values, I can’t help but not care very much about them knowing that they have taught hundreds of other students; therefore, I can’t be very special to them.  Also, it’s a part of their job to teach their students values, and I wouldn’t consider them as the last people I’d like to spend my last 5 hours with, or choose them to travel the world with me if I had only one year to live. On the other hand, I am my mom’s oldest child, the oldest brother to my siblings, and the best friend to a couple of people.  So, if I only had an unusually limited time left to live, I would spend it with those people.

Since I live with my brother, I decided to not send him a message, and my sister is visiting for the semester, so I didn’t send her one either.  I see them almost everyday now, so I instead decided to tell them about the assignment and see how they reacted.  I think they understood where I was coming from.  The three of us are very close, and we all know how much each of us mean to each other.  So, I emailed my mom and called my grandma as a compromise.  They are both the most deserving in my family, and have done so much for me, and continue to do so.  On the email to my mom, I made sure to include “Love, Alex” at the end.  My grandma only speaks Korean, so I had to say “I love you” in Korean to her, but it seemed so much easier to say it in another language.  She was already very happy that I called her, and it made me glad that I decided to.

-Alex

2011
02/14
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#2: Revisiting Introduction and Reaction to 3 Malaises

Whenever I write anything, I tend to over think what it is I’m writing about.  So, my introduction post was a bit lengthy and personal, as I have no problem sharing information about myself.  My audience was my fellow classmates and GSI, since I already know everything there is to know about myself.  Keeping this in mind, I made sure to include interesting tidbits about myself, while at the same time, answering the required questions.  I want to think that my writing was inviting enough for others to take the time to read.  I guess I would say I am very open about my writing and introductions in general.

However, I do not think my post reflected my Enneagram personality.  Since my first post, I was able to narrow my choices from numbers 5, 7, and 9 to #5 the observer.  As an observer, I wouldn’t care to take part in introductions, but when I am given the option to write it in a blog, I feel more open and willing.  The internet creates this space where people feel more comfortable interacting with one another as opposed to doing so in face-to-face interactions – just look at instant messaging and facebook as examples.  So, my post seems more friendly than how I am in person.  I believe most people represented themselves in a similar fashion.

I mentioned a lot of facts about my history, family, and interests, so it seems like my post, and I, are more relate-able with the having modes of existence.  What I have and don’t have are important to me, but introductions tend to share more of the having than the being modes of existence since it is easier to tell people.

Now to Taylor’s three modern malaises.  This may seem like an easy answer, but I agree with all three of them and their consequences.   The first malaise, individualism, is emphasized strongly in today’s society.  Everyone has a right to his or her option, and this easily divides people.  Taylor says, “People no longer have a sense of a higher purpose, of something worth dying for” (4).  And Taylor states the reason to this simply: “This loss of purpose was linked to a narrowing.  People lost the broader vision because they focussed on their individual lives” (4).  Even in Berkeley, many students are more concerned about their grades than about other students or this society (I know I am).  Now, grades and college have lost their meanings, and this is only natural in such a competitive setting.

The second malaise, instrumental reason, deals with “Maximum efficiency, the best cost-output ratio” and is the “measure of success” (5).  This malaise is also a no-brainer since this is golden rule that institutions follow.  The needs of the poor and the environment become ignored as “our social planning… [puts] dollar assessments on human lives” (6).  We even see the example Taylor mentions of “undervalu[ing] the contribution of nurses” in popular TV shows such as Scrubs.

The final malaise, institutionalism, “[imposes] a great loss of freedom” (9).  Again, we can see this malaise in action in the Berkeley campus.  During the spring semester when the ASUC elections are happening, most students try to avoid the campaigners and even voting.  And, by doing so, we are “severely restricting our choices” (8).

Thanks for reading.

-Alex

2011
02/07
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#1: Self-Introduction

Hello all!

My name is Alexander Ahn, and I’m a 4th year English major with a Creative Writing minor.  However, even though I’m studying English Literature, you will rarely find me reading for pleasure (unless I’m in a rare mood), and I struggle with writing.   It may not make a whole lot of sense, but I chose an English major because I’m not the best in reading and writing, and I’m very interested in perfecting my skills in them.  I came to Berkeley from Seoul, Korea (where I attended Seoul American High School), but before that, I lived in Arcadia, CA, West Point, NY, and many other cities/states when I was too young to remember.  The reason my family moved around a lot is because we were a military family (though my father has since retired).  I have a twin brother named Chadwick, and we were born in Bremerhaven, Germany (three minutes apart from each other) in July.  Chad and I have lived together since then, and we also shared a lot of the same classes in school.  Currently, we both attend Cal, and share an apartment, but we’ve definitely become different individuals thanks to the college experience.  I also have a sister, Elaine, who is two years younger than me, and a thirteen year old miniature schnauzer named Itchy.

I decided to take this class for the sole purpose of completing my Philosophy and Values Breadth Requirement, and had no clue what I would be studying.  After two weeks, I’m glad I signed up for this course since Professor Phillips is fun, and the reading is enjoyable.  Usually, I’m expected to read 300+ pages every week for each of my upper division English classes, so I was relieved to find out that the reading load isn’t as demanding for 160B.  Also, unlike most of my other classes, this class has introduced me to several new activities such as meditating and keeping a blog.  Although I do keep an occasional diary, I have made it my resolution to keep up with a new personal blog, in addition to this one (as well as exercise more).

Now in terms of the Enneagram, like most of my classmates, I’m unable to categorize myself in one of the nine types.  But, while doing the readings, I made notes in the margins when a certain trait fit me.  So, I have narrowed my type to #5 (The Observer), #7 (The Enthusiast or Epicure), and #9 (The Mediator).  I tend to avoid competition, and I’m not very ambitious, though I am very productive, and I can easily see other people’s perspectives.  Also, even if everything starts to go wrong in my life, I’m still able to see the futuristic bright side (and I enjoy fine dining).  Hopefully, as the semester progresses, I can choose one of the types if that is at all possible.  I find it funny that it is difficult to decide a type for myself when I can easily point to the type of people I know well. Chad is a #1 for sure.

(If you’re bored, here’s more facts about myself: I’m fluent in Korean (though I have an annoying accent).  I have studied German and Japanese to the point where I can hold light conversations.  Avril Lavigne is my favorite music artist :-#  I’m a huge Harry Potter movie fan, and I love the books as well.  Most of my free time is spent watching TV shows and youtube videos, or sleeping.  And, I’m pretty good at video games, especially Nintendo ones, and I have only recently picked up StarCraft II :-O

-Alex

2011
01/31
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2011
01/28
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